A few weeks ago, Mark spoke at Vision. It was a great evening of words, music, and conversation. Check out the podcast of the event. It also features Vision's own Don Pizza on guitar.
My Other Accounts
Want Don to Speak at Your Next Event?
« January 2010 | Main | March 2010 »
Transform Podcast Featuring Pam and Me
In April, Pam and I will be speaking at the TransFORM East Coast Gathering. Leading up to the event, we participated in a roundtable discussion about missional communities. This Round Table included us, Kathy Escobar, Stephanie and Phil Shepherd, and Jonathan Brink. We explored three questions: What drew you to the missional conversation? What does missional mean to you and look like in your present context? Is missional simply a stereotype of engaging social justice?
That – Is Not My Life!
My grandfather always bought Cadillacs. From the Gas-Guzzler Sixties through the Energy Crisis Seventies, every few years he would trade in his Caddy for a new one. However, when the Eighties rolled around he walked into the dealership where he has been a customer for decades and was shocked by what he saw - the Cadillac Cimarron. This smaller inelegant J car was GM’s late-to-the-paty attempt at fuel efficiency. When the salesman attempted to show my grandfather this new car, my grandfather huffed indignantly, “That - is not a Cadillac!” He promptly purchased an ‘84 Coup De Ville, which he insisted was charcoal gray, but us grandkids all knew was a light shade of purple (and kidded him about being a pimp).
We have specific expectations for certain products. In the eighties, a Cadillac was supposed to be a big boat of a car. It was part of the car’s identity. Today, we expect a Mac computer to be sleekly designed with cool easy to use features. If Steve Jobs came out with a new iPod that looked like an old transistor radio, we would say, “That’s not an iPod.” We expect elements of a sports team’s identity to remain the same. If the New York Yankees were to give up their pinstripes for polka dots we would say, “That - is not the Yankees!”
We associate particular characteristics with definitive identities. The same was true in ancient times with Judaism. The religion had definitive identity markers that made one a Jew. These included monotheism (the belief in one God), circumcision, keeping the Sabbath day, and what we now refer to as kosher dietary laws. These were the things that made Judaism Judaism. Two in particular, keeping Sabbath and dietary laws, made it obvious to others that one was Jewish. To remove any one of these pillars from the Jewish faith was even worse than stripping the fins from a Cadillac.
Yet Jesus and the early Jesus movement routinely came into conflict over each of these foundations of their religion. The belief that God was in Jesus and the later doctrine of the Trinity brought on charges of polytheism against Christians. The apostle Paul and the Jerusalem church fought bitterly over the issue of whether or not one had to be circumcised as a Jew in order to join the Jesus movement. In his day, Jesus came into conflict over Sabbath laws for healing on that day and proclaiming that the Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath. Finally we have the story of Peter’s vision, in which God declares all animals as clean and edible for a Jew, thus abolishing the dietary laws.
If you were a first-century Jew with a fear of change, the Jesus movement was not a comfortable place for you to be. Year by year, all you had taken for granted about your life with God was challenged, re-invented, adapted or expended. The God and religion which was previously described with words like foundation or rock, was now talked about by these Jesus-followers in amorphous terms such as wind and flame, water and spirit. We can easily empathize with a first-century Jew looking upon the early church with fear and saying, “That - is not my religion! That - is not my God!”
Don't Stand So Close to Me!
As I sat down to write this week’s message on “Fear of Intimacy.” I thought to myself, “I don’t want to do this. I hate that topic!” Perhaps I have a problem.
The concept of men fearing intimacy is a bit of a cliche. We expect it in men. I think that’s because when we guys hear the word, the picture that comes to mind is quite frightening for us. Intimacy conjures up images of us crying, going antiquing, listening to our partner’s endlessly detailed stories and having to dutifully nod at the end of each sentence with an “I know” or “Yes, how interesting.” In other words, even if you don’t believe in a literal Hell, intimacy becomes a fairly close recreation for us.
Men have a problem with intimacy in our relationships. When we’re angry, we tend to retreat, sometimes not even letting know we are angry. We do this with our wives, our children and our friends. We don’t communicate honestly. Even though last week, I talked about us all having special gifts, the one gift no one has is that of being a mind reader. We expect people to guess how we are feeling. That lack of honest communication prevents us from having close relationships.
Although this intimacy phobia is often portrayed as limited to the male of the species, some behaviors stereotypically associated with females also demonstrates this fear. For instance, guys, have you ever asked a woman “What’s wrong?” and they say, “Nothing.” You know there’s something wrong. She knows there’s something wrong, but the problem isn’t being communicated. Think of all the hours men would get back if every women we to whom we asked “What’s wrong?” answered us on the first try. We may not realize it, but that is symptomatic of fear of intimacy.
Another example of which we are all guilty, have you ever wanted someone to do something for you, but rather than just ask him directly, you drop hints. That lack of honesty in communication may also be a sign that you are avoiding intimacy in that relationship.
In our journey to become the people God created us to be, this fear of intimacy is yet another roadblock. Regardless of our gender, we are all guilty of creating barriers to closeness in our relationships. These barriers are not limited to our romantic relationships, we routinely erect them in families, friendships, even in churches. We even set up barriers to block our intimacy with God. In fact, the Bible claims that is at the heart of all our dysfunctional human relationships - a fear of intimacy with God.
Roadblocks of Fear: Fail#
“What a fail!”
My daughter says that all the time when she wants to express disgust about someone or their actions. She will watch a soccer game on TV and when a striker misses a goal she’ll say, “What a fail!” When I drop something in the kitchen she’ll say, “What a fail!” Frankly I don’t get it, but I figure it’s better than her saying, “That sucks!”
Over the past few months, the word “fail” has taken on new-found popularity, yet “Fail” is an expression I refuse to use. Not because I’m like Ed Harris in Apollo 13, confidently declaring “Failure is not an option!” But because I hate when people my age try to use popular teenage expressions. It brings back bad childhood memories of a musical-variety special I once saw in which Lucille Ball kept using the word “hep”.
On Twitter, there is a hash tag #fail on which people tweet things they have failed at over the course of the day. So it’s common to see tweets like, “Just drove two hours in traffic to meeting and found out it’s tomorrow not today #fail.” Or “put lasagna in oven two hours ago but never turned oven on #fail.” There is a website called failblog.org that posts pictures and videos of people failing at various endeavors from bicycle jumps to inadvertent x-rated advertisements.
However, I am left to wonder why do we have this fascination with failure? Why do we enjoy seeing other people fail and even find humor in it?
I think it’s for the same reason we enjoy horror movies and roller coasters. We are fascinated by that which frightens us, and for many of us, failure one of our biggest fears and hence our fascination with it. In our life’s journey of getting to who God wants us to be, our fears are like roadblocks. Fear of failure is one of the first we run into and it stops us in our tracks.
Sometimes this fear blocks our biggest dreams; starting a new business, moving to a new town, beginning a new ministry here at Vision. Sometimes this fear blocks our more intimate initiatives; making new friends, learning a new skill, or just showing up at a Vision event. In our mind we create an expectation that we will try this new experience, most likely feeling ill-equipped, fumble our way through it and fail. In turn, that will bring out our critics, both external and internal. Therefore, we tell ourselves, it is just safer to never begin in the first place. We protect ourselves with the dream-smothering assurance that if we never get our hopes up and try, we will never risk disappointment.
Re-Imagining You: A Growing Vision
This message was directed primarily to those who call Vision their church home. However, feel welcome to read about our vision for he coming year.
As Paul’s Second Letter to the Corinthian church comes to a close, he challenges his readers to examine or test themselves. The test is this; he asks if they recognize themselves as people in whom Jesus Christ is truly present. Don’t just drift along comfortably on a second-hand experience of Christ, but take a close look at yourself and your church. Don’t take for granted that you or your church are where you need to be, but really examine where you are.
Why was Paul advising the Corinthians this way? Was he thinking, examine yourselves and you’ll probably find that you’re all doing a great job? No need to change anything, just keep doing what you’re doing? Highly unlikely. Implicit in his advice, is the idea that the Corinthians still had a ways to go in their journey. In other words, they still had a lot of growing to do.
When we read the Bible, especially the passages where Paul criticizes his churches, it’s easy for us to feel a sense of superiority. Living on the other side of the story, we assume Paul’s advice doesn’t apply to us. It only applies to these early misguided Christians, those wacky Corinthians. If Paul’s advice has any contemporary application, we relegate it to other Christians and other churches.
Although Paul did not have you or I or Vision Community Church in mind when he wrote this letter, the challenge of his words still extends to us in our context. So for those of us here at Vision, Paul stills says, don’t drift along comfortably on a second-hand experience of Christ, but take a close look at yourself and at Vision. Don’t take for granted that you or Vision are where you need to be, but really examine where you are. In other words, Vision still has a lot of growing to do.
