25 Specific Things About Me

25 Things Specific Things About Me

by Don Heatley 

1. As a child, I appeared on the short-lived “Lee Harvey Oswald Variety Hour.”  It was cancelled after the notorious “parking garage episode.”
2. When viewed in your car’s side view mirror, I am closer than I appear.
3. In high school I was a pole-vaulter, but was discouraged to discover my school did not have a track team.
4. I always wanted to spend years of hard work, sacrifice and practice to learn an impressive sounding skill for the sole purpose of including it lists such as this.
5. I like my coffee with cream and sugar, but not mixed together.
6. I am distant relative of Wink Martindale, as are you.
7. My dream job would be billionaire.  I have sent out a few resumes but no one is hiring at this time.
8. In the early eighties, I received a patent for developing a method to make Studs Terkel water-soluble.
9. I would like to live in an assisted care facility in my twenties and move into the workforce when I am seventy.
10. I wanted to vote for Obama, because I thought Simon was too hard on him, but I forgot what number to call in on.
11. My biggest phobia is speaking in private.
12. I am imploring all my Facebook friends – no matter what - do not think of 10 gibbons in rubber bathing caps bouncing on a trampoline.
13. I don’t believe in global warming but have recently become concerned about global pureeing.
14. I am often referred to as the 5,645,102,839th Beatle
15. I have never watched Found, 48 or Canadian Outcast.
16. When people first meet me, they think I am shy, introspective and aloof.  However, after knowing me a few years, they discover instead that I am introverted, withdrawn and distant.
17. When I was born, the doctors told my mother I was not expected to live much past the age of 98.
18. I can crack my molars.
19. I believe government should be big enough to keep its citizens safe and keep law and order, yet small enough to be shipped in a mailing tube.
20. In 1975, as editor of my Junior High newspaper, I won an investigative journalism award for my piece exposing Tom Bosley’s role in an elaborate $50 Fonzi scheme.
21. My favorite wine is Château de Pretenteaux with strong woodsy overtones of questioning absolute truth, aromatic hints of man finding meaning through the contextual setting of the text, and a smooth finish of berries.
22. I have traveled extensively throughout the upper 48 states.
23. The one thing I would like to do before I die is not die.
24. When I was single and dating, I was often slapped by young women for discussing my proposed stimulus package.
25. In ten years, I see myself writing my appointments on a 2019 calendar.

Comments

[Tim]

Hilarious.
loved #14, 16.

Happy writing today. Will catch you later.