This piece ran in the Emergent/C newsletter today. There's an "illustrated version" on the Emergent Village Website
Beware - by Don Heatley
I never knew our church was emergent until the people in our town starting warning one another that we were.
The newspaper ads for Vision Community Church tend be thought provoking and irreverent, but rarely controversial. The closest we came to scandal was a few years back when we ran an ad featuring a patient in a dentist's chair with a headline that read, "Let's see, church? Root canal? Church? Root canal... for some people it's a tough choice." That one spurred a nasty email, though not from a church person. It came from an offended dentist. Turns out, I am truly an anti-dentite.
So I was a little surprised last week when a friend in town showed me an email that was circulating through his church. The writer warned that "the Emerging Church is sneaking in all around us" and that we must "follow Jesus alone" (apparently emerging churches do not follow Jesus). Attached to the email was a scanned copy of one of our newspaper ads. Scribbled across it was the frenetic warning, "Beware the Emerging Church." The image of a reptilian creature rising from a latte swamp, sporting an algae soul patch and a graphic tee, comes to mind.
While my friend thought I would be upset, instead I was hysterical with laughter. I kept picturing a "Beautiful Mind"-like scene of some guy in a shed clipping out church newspaper ads and mumbling, "Must stop emerging church. Must stop emerging church." Frankly, the amazing thing about this incident, is that most typical churchgoers cannot figure out how to attach anything to an email. Just my luck one of the few who can targets my church. Don't believe me? Scan your inbox for how many messages you have from your church or denomination with the subject line "Oops! Forgot the Attachment."
Oddly enough, Vision has never used any conjugation of the verb "emerge" in any of our ads. My theory is that this fear of Vision all began in someone's inbox. Sandwiched between warnings of hypodermic needles hidden in the coin return slots of pay phones and claims that Barack Obama is a Muslim, this person read an email claiming that different Christianity equals Emergent, and Emergent equals dangerous. Informed only by anti-emergent websites, they went looking for an "Exhibit A" and found it in my church.
How ironic that Emergent, which is often criticized for not defining itself, can be so easily defined by its critics. I propose a new tag line for, to use a New Jersey term, "this thing of ours." Rather than "Emergent: A Generative Friendship," I propose "Emergent: We're like pornography. You know it when you see it." When I attended a Christian high school in the late seventies, anything deemed different or threatening to the faith was labeled "Secular Humanism" (including, believe it or not, the Bill of Rights). Like pornography, you knew Secular Humanism when you saw it. The ability to know it (heresy) when you saw it is what defined a true belief. For many Christians the working definition of heresy is "things I didn't already think about God." It seems the term "Emergent" has now filled that function of apostasy accusation du jour, the theo-porn whose books wayward believers hide under their mattresses and whose web sites are deleted from their browser histories. No need to explore it. You know it when you see it.
To be honest, I don't mind my church being labeled "Emergent," especially when used as a term of derision. My heroes have always been heretics; Wesley, Luther, Galileo... Jesus. I am proud to pastor a church that invites questions, and embraces the deep complexity of truth found in a life of following Jesus. Since my denominational colleagues give me little attention or support, I value highly the friendships I have made in the emerging church community. Although I am not quite ready to break out into a chorus of I'm turning E-mergent, oh yes I'm turning E-mergent, I really think so, my life has been enriched by this conversation. Uh oh, I used the word "conversation," a telltale sign of emergents. Only talking devil-snakes and gay men have "conversations." You know it when you see it.
After asking around town, I discovered that the email "emerged" from a member of a local Precept (more-Bible-verses-makes-it-more-truer) Bible study. No surprise that a group that views biblical truth as a fill-in-the-blank proposition would find our church so dangerous. In contrast, Vision sees following Jesus as more like an essay question. Uh oh, open-ended answers. You know it when you see it.
Yet I must empathize with Vision's critics since we are always in danger of being like them. Just when they caught up and installed their video screens and rock bands, Christianity morphed yet again. Someday, we may find ourselves in the same position, fearing an unknown future. Hear the cautionary tale of Grandpa Simpson when he told Homer, "I was with it once. Then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it. And what's it seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!"
Hmmm, that's sounds like a call to humility, another one of those Emergent heresies. You know it when you see it.
Beware.